|
s_short
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Stacey
Birthday: 11/5/1988
Gender: Female
Interests: bargain shopping, socializing, walks, photography, fashion
Expertise: curling hair, finding new music, assembling ikea furniture
Occupation: student
Industry: Entertainment
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
5/11/2004
|
|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| goals for 2009
- get better grades in school
- LOSE WEIGHT- GYM!! this is the most i've ever weighed in my life.. wtf i dont know how it happened..
- car !!
- pay off debt and save money
- stop shopping ( but its so HARD)
- make more effort to keep in touch w friends
- transfer already
- figure out what i want to do ...educational wise
- try new things
- cook more efficiently
- make more friends. lol.. i never thought i'd say thought.. but i have only a few close DOWN girlfriends.
to be honest its like
Boyfriend... tues/wed
group A . coa friends. Angie and Nai. or
group B. cowrkers. Kristine and Alyssa.
occasionally... bel leanna minnie
and then once in awhile
high school girls... tina theresa kitty monica
then on college breaks..jason and geo
besides that i dont hang out with a multitiude of people anymore. thats ok
i'm usually too busy with school or work..
i cant believe i've been working at the rack for almost a year in march.
i really have those days when i hate my job though.. strict bitchy russian manager who gets on my nerves sometimes.
like when i spent 2 hours of my life.. zipping up dad status outerwear
but i like spending time with the 2 cowrkers, and of course the occasional perks.. of cute clothes.
basically designer denim for 52.90 thats actual value is 250up and 9.97 shirts that are really 7.80.
but eh yeah retail was probably bad for my bank account
i'm not even gonna lie, i've become a label whore.. i spot it more.. more up to date w things. don't get me wrong im still a pretty cheap shopper, but macy's has started to look ghetto and cheap quality to me.. not ALL things but just younger looking.
2 weeks ago my grandma passed away (moms side). i think the biggest impact it had was on my mom as she spent like the last 4 years taking her free time to drive her to chemo.. doc appts.. hospital. and for the past 2 months my mom has been spending time w her everyday. i remember in 4th grade when my grandfather (dad side) passed away, I remember I wasn't really that close to him, but it was my first wake up call to death. I remember before going into the wake, I wasn't prepared to witness what was actually going on. I remember everyone entering the room... and I was urging my mother to take me where everyone else was going. I remember the moment I walked in and i saw his body laying peacfully in the coffin, I was completely in shock. I remember just thinking to myself for the next 4 hours "i SHOULD HAVE WAITED". Looking at his body being physically there made me realize he was really gone. I remember I was too taken by emotion to make a speech like my siblings did. It wasn't that I knew him that well, it was like the first day I had met death. I remmeber for a month after his funeral, thinking to myself.. where do we go.. do we just rot in the ground? and i thought about his body being eaten by bugs... and i wondered to myself who would go to my funeral.. what song would i want played.. what would be say about me.
Anyways back to the recent death of my grandma, I was actually close to her, not as close as I wanted, but we grew up eating her food all the time, her and my grandma taking care of us at their house watching repeated disney movies, she actually only spoke cantonese for all of her life even though she had come to America at 18, the only reason I had wanted to learn cantonese and if anything felt really bad about not knowing how to communicate with her. I remember she would always say "oh, you have such pretty skin" because you are pale. Being as my older brother is dark as a filipino guy and my sister passes as filipino too.. somehow I am the most pale of my intermediate family. I remember she would say how I was so "pretty" and my sister was just cute and she'd say your one of my favorites.. don't tell your sister. She always had a big smile on her face and even though we didn't have many conversations, that woman cooked like hell. My grandpa and her would go through phases where they would cook something alot like pumpkin/apple pies, cinnamon rolls, pizza, chow mein, won ton, even mexican tamales. I remember my brother would eat half a pumpkin pie everyday after school. I can't even eat a cinnamon roll to this day, we had like 37648236432 of them.
I guess what was interesting about her funeral was that it was a memorial. My grandpa didn't like the idea of her being "refrigerated", so she was cremated beforehand. I felt the memorial didn't have the same seriousness as there was no body to be viewed. To me I feel like having your body viewed or there physically as people came to say their goodbyes and paid their respect to you, it would be as if you were actually there anyways, so that as you went.. either buried or cremated you were there for all of your life.. hence birth. My grandpa had wanted all of it to be family only, but it was kinda sad because I felt if people wanted to pay their respects then it should be open. He wanted it so simple, that it was almost no point in even going. A funeral isn't a vip party, its a open ended ending event of a person's life, and in your life you meet all sorts of people good and bad. His reasoning was that he didn't want the people that treated my grandmother badly to come for the wrong reasons. the worse part of the memorial was when my weird fat aunt (everyone hates, one of those distant realtives) , her phone rings and she answers it. talk about DISRESPECT AND TACKY! it was already bad that it rang, but she ANSWERED it. to be continued later
| | |
| i only write in xanga when im frsutrated/emo
when your happy.. you are too busy being happy to want to write.. but when you are mad nobody really wanna be around yo ass.
it tends to draw more emotions and after writing that shit down i wont feel any better talking to someone else that will tell me " aw im sorry " you can do better" " why dont u break up"
and i get the most emotionally frustrated over my boyfriend.. i mean we are good most of the time, but right now hes fucking annoying the fucking shit out of me.
i hate when u make me sad
and i go to bed mad
i hate when we fight
and its over stupid telephone calls
i hate that your tired .. too focused on yourself to even want to know what i want
i hate that i feel like i do all this crap for you.. food taking bus spending money.. waiting for you at your house to come home
i hate feeling like you know you have the upperhand and that ill always run back to you
i hate that you moved out on me and im the only one who feels like theres a missing part in their life
when we lived together there were fewer problems
when we dont live together.. you hate talking to me on the phone
you think its so fucking boring and pointless, in that case if it was your way then we'd talk MAYBE about 2 min..
and hangup n see each 1 nce a week...
and you put a bf in its own category among friends family work school
and bf is supposed to be on the status of being a bff
and if i cant even talk to u like a bff then wtf is that shit
i dont feel satisfied to talk to u in text message form
im a person who loves/needs to talk.. then wtf am i dating the wrong person
its like u spend all your time at work trying to talk the talk to sell to other people that by the time its time to talk to me you cant even pretend to pretend you care
i think its because you are so depressed about your shit that you can't even think about my shit
you could see me as a fucking happy blessing in your life that i put up with you and love you for just the way you are but it doesnt seem to fucking matter
i give and give and give
and i receive a fraction of that shit
im there to support you through all your fucking problems
watching you get used by your mom and stepped on by the repercutions
i dont blame you for being depressed but you can't even appreciate any of the fucking positive things you have in your life
you have a nice car.. you have a caring gf... you have a house to live in.. instead of trying to drone out the numbness look forward to outlets and shit
i question myself if you are abusing my love.. i hate feeling taken for granted
when im sad and mad and shit you dont even know how to make me feel better. i had to fucking tell you to make me feel better
when hes going thru some sad shit it makes me sad.. as the person u care for.. their goals.. their sadness and everthing else between becomes a little part of you..
so wtf.
| | |
| Ne-yo- MAD
She's staring at me, I'm sitting wondering what she's thinking
Ummm Nobody's talking, cause' talking just turns into screaming (Oooo)
And now yes I'm yelling over her, she yelling over me,
all that that means is neither of us are listening,
and what's even worse, that we don't even remember why we're fighting
So both of us are mad for nothing, (fighting for)
nothing, (crying for)
nothing, (oohh)
When we won't let it go for nothing, (come back for)
nothing,
it should be nothing
to a love like what we got oh baby
I know some times it's gonna rain,
But baby can we make up now
cause' I can't sleep through the pain (can't sleep through the pain)
girl I don't want to go to bed, mad at you
and I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me
no I don't want to go to bed mad at you
and I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me (oh noo)
Umm
and it gets me upset girl when you're constantly accusing
(asking questions like you already know)
hey we're fighting this war when both of us are losing
(this ain't the way that love is supposed to go, whatever happened to working it out?)
We fall into this place where you ain't backing down, and I ain't backing down,
so what the hell do we do now?
i miss him. i wish he tried harder. i wish he appreciated me. i wish he would grow up and wake up and realize hes being used so bad by his mom. i wish he would snap out of his bubble. i wish he really saw how hard i tried. i wish for the happy kenny. i wish for the one who acts like a 6 year old and i miss the guy who makes me laugh and makes me so sprung i get dizzy. i miss the guy who was so spontaneous. i miss us.. i miss the US against the world. i hate feeling like 2nd place. i hate u not calling. i hate u not calling 2 days in a row. i hate that you make me feel so vulnerable and i hate that i cant stop thinking about you. i hate that i know you care but u just don't know how to care about me or how to get the right mindset to want to be a boyfriend. i know you have potential. i know you can act better i know you are more then you give yourself credit for.
this is some entry im gonna slap myself later for.. ew ew ew im a stupid girl
| | |
| he lied. haha he didnt get fired. he lied to me because he said it was a lesson not to use my "pouty" face.. aka i guess my powers of female persuasion.. hahahahahahahaha
i felt horrible the whole day too ! since work is 95% of his life. im 1% food is 1% and sleep is 3%
haha
btw annie he works at a car dealership
went to the true sale. got 3 tshirts and 3 jackets for 92 dollars =)
| | |
| its not completely my fault, but i still feel its my fault.
i didnt feel like taking the vallejo bus so kenny drove me to bart
anyways we ended on a bad note anyways i bumped my head on his car and he didnt say bye
yeah if you are a girl hahahahaha
anyways
i sent a "angry" text
in the battle of "i've got it worse"
he won
as he sends me back
"i got fired.....!"
....
apparently it was his 3rd time being late.. 3rd and final warning
so they gave him his check and told him 2 leave
.. he was nice to drop me off..
but if he knew he wouldnt get away with being late.. shoulda said something
im wired on iced coffee.. yuck
and its hot as a bitch
for once i have nothing to do today..
nothing at ALL
last week i worked like 5 out of 7 days..
playlist
wake it up- e40 w akon
cookie jar- gym class heroes w the dream
clap again- akon
cuddle up - pretty ricky
lose control - lloyd w nelly
a better day - TI
can't believe it - t pain w lil wayne
| | |
|
